How to Reply to a Rejection Letter

A lot of people have trouble dealing with form rejections, be that for a project, a job, a book, college, or pretty much anything in this world.

Being an author, and therefore having some degree of experience in the matter, I figured it’s my duty to help people during such distressful times.

Disclaimer:  Don’t ever reply to a rejection letter. You’re better than that, bae.

So here’s  HOW TO REPLY TO A REJECTION LETTER  (you’re welcome):

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for taking the time to consider me/my ______ for your _______.  I deeply appreciate the opportunity, and respect your decision.

With that being said: Fuck you. Fuck the fuckidy you, hard in the ass, several times, and then some. Fuck you everywhere. Fuck you, fuck your cat, fuck your grandma, and fuck your cow, if you have one. I mean, who doesn’t have a cow? You don’t, obviously. 

So let me spell that for you: F U C K   Y O U. Have an awesome fucking day, you cold-hearted douche.

Sincerely,

The person you’ll regret rejecting for the rest of your sorry life.

PS 1: Imma J.K. Rowling / Jack Canfield / Harrison Ford / Stephen Hawking yo ass someday.

PS 2: You were my second choice anyway.

PS 3: You suck monkey balls.

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C.S. Wilde writes about fantastical worlds, love stories larger than life and epic battles. She also, quite obviously, sucks at writing an author bio. She finds it awkward that she must write this in the third person, and hopes you won’t notice.

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Posted in books, Fun, Writing
6 comments on “How to Reply to a Rejection Letter
  1. Mike says:

    Don’t ever reply to a rejection letter. You’re better than that, bae.

    Good advice. Sometimes your ms is rejected solely for bad timing — the publisher already has stories that deal with your story’s theme. As sloooow and unresponsive as some are, I still have the greatest respect for slush editors. I know I couldn’t read so much bad writing and keep my sanity.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. djmorand says:

    Bwahahahaha, I love the satire here (cause you know we’re all thinking it).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The word will be out now along the agent grapevine: avoid anything that comes in with the name CS Wilde…

    My own personal view mirrors Wilf Self’s. ‘It’s all in the cufflinks.’ Nothing to do with anything other than whether you’re related to the Earl of Chichester. It is in the UK anyway. I picked something up in a bookshop the other day and it was terrible writing, but, you know, the other was like, a Cambridge graduate.

    Liked by 1 person

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