World of Warcraft: A Review + Wine. Lots of wine.

So I’ve recently watched World of Warcraft mainly because of this guy:df575938cd295dd4fae2b0990723d408

Yes, my favorite viking stars in this movie. I hoped to see him naked, did not happen. Now that I pretty much ruined the movie for you, let’s do this.

(Fair warning: spoilers ahead.)

The story actually starts with Mr. Orc and NOT Mr. Viking, and I was a little disappointed because Mr. Orc has ZERO of Mr. Viking’s hotness and appeal. HOWEVER, (look at the size of that however, giiirl) you never see a fantasy epic where the orc is the main character (Shrek was an ogre, and yes, the Nerd is strong in me.) So it was kindda awesome to see Mr Orc as a character with complex emotions.

I soon realized that Mr. Orc was the ONLY character with ANY emotional depth at all.

Do you realize how frustrating that is? If you watch Vikings, you know that Travis Fimmel is a FUCKING GREAT ACTOR. I mean, the guy mimics a Nordic accent to perfection, and when he glares at an enemy, you know that the dude’s so gonna die-and it’s gonna be a nasty death.

vikings_ragnar_lodbrok_by_palo90-d5y15so

See what I mean?

So they WASTED my hot viking in World of Warcraft and that really pissed me off.

I obviously started rooting for Mr. Orc, because he was the only relatable character in the movie. Also, he kind of looks like the love child between Jack Sparrow and the Hulk, and that’s pretty cool.

l8lfjbjizjgcfwxjlgd9

See what I mean?

Then the movie proceeds to throw shit and cliched characters at you as if it were a monkey, literally, throwing its shit at your face.

Cue in some stupid plot developments, and I was like, “I can’t watch this sober.”

I mean, the good Guardian, who has to be David Getta, turned bad for no fucking apparent reason, and for a long while he was just flying around and doing shit that influenced nothing in the story. On the other hand, his music is great. I love you David.

maxresdefault

Damn it, David, you can’t fix this mess. Really enjoy your music, though.

But perhaps what pissed me off the most was that they freaking KILLED the only relatable character in the movie FOR NO FREAKING GOOD REASON.

Hear me out: Mr. Orc decides that he needs to show his peers how monumentally evil their commander is. To do so, he fights Mr. Evil Orc, whose pores overflow with green magic, because green magic is always evil, just ask Disney.

If orcs had seen a Disney movie or two, they’d have avoided this entire mess in the first place. Just saying.

But I digress. So the two orcs fight and Mr. Orc dies. At this point I’m like, all right, it’s cool, but his death better improve this mess of a story.

So Mr. Orc’s friend says, “Are we going to let an evil monster guide us?” And I’m like, yaaass Mr. Orc’s friend, start a revolution!

So some brave orcs defy evil green orc, evil green orc explodes them, literally, and then everyone is like, “Okay, we’re on your side, evil green orc, you’re awesome, yeah, fuck that kind and honorable Mr. Orc”.

So Mr. Orc died for shit. FOR SHIT. 

Well done, Legendary Pictures and Blizzard Entertainment. You did a remarkable job of turning a promising concept into a huge pile of doodoo.

monkeypoo1

 

 

C.S. Wilde writes about fantastical worlds, love stories larger than life and epic battles. She also, quite obviously, sucks at writing an author bio. She finds it awkward that she must write this in the third person, and hopes you won’t notice.

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Fun, movies, reviews, Writing
13 comments on “World of Warcraft: A Review + Wine. Lots of wine.
  1. The V Pub says:

    There’s no way I’m going to watch a naked viking dude with monkeys throwing shit at me. Doesn’t seem pleasant. Not only that, but the last time that I went to the movies, I think I spent 4o bucks on popcorn. Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but not by much.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Toni Betzner says:

    Travis really is the only reason I would watch that. Might rent it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. djmorand says:

    As a fan of Warcraft (the game series prior to the MMORPG, oh dang the nerd is strong in me too), I didn’t mind the movie, however for me, it was like a Lore Recap of the 90s video game. Although I have told several people, wait for Netflix, because it was not that good. It was sure pretty, though, all dem special effects. I am pretty sure it was just some advertising for the World of Warcraft expansion.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Anna Kopp says:

    I scrolled past this review twice because I didn’t want to read it. Ok I really wanted to but I knew I would get too defensive. So I did it anyway haaaaaaah. I was right.

    The movie was really only made for people who know the game and wanted to see it in live action. Since it’s millions of people around the world, they could do that. There’s a lot they didn’t explain, especially the fel, which to someone who doesn’t play it looks not only ridiculous but badly plotted. I won’t even begin to try and explain it all, but I will say that fel is the equivalent of demon magic, and it corrupted he guardian since his birth so that’s why he was good and bad.

    Like

    • C.S. Wilde says:

      But they didnt even show that in the movie that was my problem T_T for ex. Harry potter was a movie that pleased a lot of ppl who hadnt read the books. So I was expecting warcraft would be the same, that it would be for those who played the videogame and those who didnt. : (

      Like

  5. Zak Zakaryas says:

    Haven’t seen this yet, but I appreciate the review. Latest movie I’ve seen is Independence Day: Resurgence. Not as good as the first, but I still highly enjoyed it. Still wish Will Smith was involved with it though. But he’s in Suicide Squad next month and I’m definitely looking forward to that.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. peckapalooza says:

    Honestly, I never had a desire to see this one. No hot Viking dudes could drag me in. Not even Paula Patton as a not-ugly-orc couldn’t get me in there. And, to be more honest, I saw a lot of trailers for this movie and got a little angrier every time I saw one. In my experience, the more a studio shows me a trailer, the worse the movie is gonna be. Same thing happened with I, Frankenstein. Though, to be fair, I never saw that one either. I just assumed, from the dozens of times I was forced to sit through the trailer, that it was gonna suck. I feel that, via your review of this movie, my theory is slightly vindicated. Thank you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. But since you're at it, why not subscribe to my mailing list instead? : )

Join 1,323 other followers

%d bloggers like this: