Everyone Poops

****This is a true story. I kindda wish it wasn’t, but it is.****

So me, grandma, and my aunt were going to a family event. We had just reached ground floor with the lift, when my aunt had to go talk to someone, leaving me alone with Granny.

After a little while, I turn to Granny and whisper, “Nanna, I think I have to go back to the flat. I need to go to the toilet.”

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “Number one or number two?”

I giggle, cause dude, my grandma is asking me inappropriate stuff (which she does all the time, but it never ceases to be funny.)

“Number two,” I whisper.

At this point my aunt returns, and Granny announces, “We gotta go back. The kid wants to poop.”

But that’s cool, ’cause my aunt is used to Granny’s brutal honesty. So we’re all laughing and saying “Yeah, let’s go, better out than in.”

We get into the elevator with a random guy, and my aunt says, “I only hope we don’t get to the restaurant too late.”

And Granny replies loudly ’cause she can’t hear right, “Hey, when the kid needs to poop, the kid needs to poop.”

At which point I’m laughing my heart out, and the random stranger is trying to hold it, but failing miserably.

Then my aunt chides, “Mom! What will this poor gentleman think?”

Granny shrugs and turns to the guy as if only now realizing he was there. She pats him in the back and says, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t mind. After all, he poops too. Everyone poops, right?

I think the guy is still laughing to this day.

C.S. Wilde writes about fantastical worlds, love stories larger than life and epic battles. She also, quite obviously, sucks at writing an author bio. She finds it awkward that she must write this in the third person, and hopes you won’t notice.

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Posted in Fun, Lifestyle, Writing
8 comments on “Everyone Poops
  1. djmorand says:

    Well, I hope you didn’t feel too crappy. I got a chuckle out of it anyway. LOL. Old folks and children just say whatever they like.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The V-Pub says:

    lol! So, I’m reading your post and I’m reminded of an REM song. Weird, right? So now, whenever you hear Everybody Hurts, well, because of your Granny, it’s now going to be Everybody Poops. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Could have been worse. There are more graphic words than poop…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. rebbit7 says:

    That’s hilarious! Gotta love Grandma and her brutal honesty. No reason to be prudish and hold it in, especially with saying “Number Two” (pun intended!). 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The brutal funny honesty killed it!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A.B Mood says:

    “He poops too. Everyone poops.” Words of wisdom by Rockstar Granny 😀 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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